Not Happening.

I tried. I can't seem to get the words out or make my thoughts flow off the ends of my fingers onto the keyboard.

I'm not going to be doing the blog anymore. It seems to forced. Too fake.

I'll check out other avenues of expression. The spark went out of this one for me.

My apologies to my faithful and loyal follower, my Dad.  Your funny little comments were my favorite. I promise to try to write you more often.

thanks for the ride.

punch it

The time clock at work. I may be working in 1952.

Thankful

Thanks to the thoughtful and generous gifts of some fine folks over the holiday season one huge expense we take on with a family of five was lessened.

I'm pretty frugal with spending for the most part. Having had to rely on food banks and Christmas bureaus for their charity over some of the rougher holidays when the kids were younger I came to become very strategic at the grocery store.

Through the years, with a lot of hard work and life changing decisions I have been blessed with the comfort of not having to worry about filling our shelves and freezer with food.
 I always told Terry that I will not overspend on things and fluff but now that I don't have to worry
 (so much) I don't want to have to count every penny when buying groceries. I wanted to shop with out a calculator!
 I still watch my prices and shop around. I won't buy when I know I can get it elsewhere for a dollar or more less. I use coupons when I remember and stock up on an item when I see a 'blow out' price.
I'm not a millionaire!!

For Christmas we received some gift cards towards restaurants we have enjoy as a family on occasion and towards groceries at our regular shopping stop. It has been such a treat stopping for a quick meal some that someone else cooks for us and even cleans up after.
Going to the grocery store in the last couple of weeks and having to dish out very little dough from my own pocket has been a delight.
 I am very proud to be able to provide my kids with a cupboard full of food with out much worry but right now I am also very thankful for the generosity of others who helped lesson some of the load of it.

don't kick the bag

It is very very cold here today. A good day to hide.

Note to Self

I know how (but do not always execute) to stay fit and active. I now know how to self motivate in the gym, I have come a looonnnng way believe me.
The one thing I cannot seem to figure out is mental strength.

I have been told plenty over the years that I could be better at ....*insert job title here*...if I would just show more confidence. Is there a magic pill for this confidence? Where do you just get some more?

I have tried the ol' tell-yourself-you-are-and-you-will-be trick. Mind over matter they say. It's all in your head they say.
Well, then what? It's all in my head but where do you find it? How do you get it out?

I don't know. 

Does anyone have any 'advice for newbies' on how to improve your mental health in your 40's so no one gets hurt?

I woke up this morning telling the world to F-bomb right off.
At the moment I'm counting the hours to my next work out. At least there I'm in control.

Side Note to Self:

You're stronger than you think.

Advice For the Newbie

One of the top resolutions people make heading into the new year is to get healthier, lose weight, start a work out routine.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/12/27/new-year-resolutions-2014-canada_n_4507431.html?utm_hp_ref=canada-business

As a former New Years resolution-er myself looking to make the change and get in shape (circa 2003) I feel I am in a position to share some advice with those looking to go the journey through joining the gym route.

I first joined the gym as 2003 rolled in.
It wasn't always an easy road. I had many ups but mostly downs at the beginning. I was also just heading into another new roll of becoming single Mom.
I did stick with it, though it wasn't easy. The gym is a very intimidating place for the new. Your not going to be met with open arms and helpful veterans of the gym. Your dedication will be tested and your passion to succeed will be pushed to its limits.

My best advice for those going in fresh is quality over quantity.
Start small, start light. Your first goal from the get go should be 21.
21 is how many days it takes to form a new habit. We are all creatures of habit. We are so stuck in our ways that committing to such a huge step that is outside of our ordinary routines will open up our vulnerability causing us to take any out or make any excuse to postpone that comes along.

Go to the gym at the time that suits you best, I'll tell you that between 5pm and 7pm is a nightmare with Monday to Wednesday being the worst.
Try to go at off times in the beginning if you can. Friday nights and Saturday and Sunday mornings are my favorites. I promise you will find more patients and less stressed out beef necks at these times.
When you first go I highly recommend asking for a tour, it's free, take a walk around with one of the staff, get to know the place before you start. This way your not wondering around like a doe in headlights.

Seriously, talk to a trainer even if its just for one session. Your goals and fitness levels are not going to be the same as your cousin Sally so don't think just 'working in' with someone will be OK. You risk getting hurt and even frustrating yourself self right out the door because you feel you can't keep up with Sally.

Get your brain programed to the fact that the changes will come in time. Not in a week or even a month. Just keep moving, no matter how small the movement, form the habit and build from there.
You have a 21 day goal. That doesn't mean go 3 times in 21 days....it means go 21 times as often as you can until you find the times and locations that work for you
 Join a beginner class of anything for just once a week. You will be surrounded by other like minded individuals where you will feed off of each others excitement for the changes your making. This will help hold you accountable.

The hardest part is getting there, just go. By the time you finish your session and walk out the door you will be so thankful you did. Trust me.
If you are looking for the energy to get to the gym you will find it surprisingly at the gym. every time you go it gets stronger.

Most of life is routine - dull and grubby, but routine is the momentum that keeps a man going. If you wait for inspiration you'll be standing on the corner after the parade is a mile down the street.
 Ben Nicholas 

And for those making a go of it at home on your own. It's the same deal. Try not to set your goals so high at first. Jillian Michael's is tough. I have heard of 5 different people starting with the 30 day Shred recently. This is hard for anyone.
I suggest using her video, or others like hers, as a part of your weekly routine. Once or twice a week would be perfect. To know your going to start making changes and thinking this is what you have to do to get there will only be setting yourself up for defeat. That type of intensity is hard to keep up for even the seasoned.
Try not to beat yourself up to much. Start in first gear, because starting in third will only cause you to stall.

You've got this right? You want it. No excuses.

Who Will Care?

I really enjoyed Blogging way back when.   I loved trying to be witty, even funny at times. I'm not so sure I always pulled it off but there was just something about writing.
  I loved the feedback and the banter some blog posts could create. So what happened? What suddenly changed?
  My job changed.... drastically changed in the last year, the last TWO years really.  It's been quite a journey I can say that for sure. I think I'm pretty settled into a job position I can handle now that challenges me physically but not as socially as I need.
 It's interesting where life's turns take us.
Our home has changed, also quite drastically and quickly, we went from a calm, beautiful stroll in Canmore one spring weekend day to selling our house in three months and finding ourselves homeless by choice. Thanks to my very patient and generous in-laws we were tucked snugly into a make shift basement suite in their home for the time it took for our new home to be built. It was quite the trying time on me with the new living situation breaking up our comfortable arrangement for the kids between our house and their Dad's. This transition was tough on us all, some more then others. We came through it all a little bit changed and a little bit wiser. Some a little more independent.

 I want to try something different now. I want to incorporate my need to blog about useless shit and my desire to take pictures of equally useless shit (unless its pictures of my kids, family or friends of course, love you :) into one tidy package.

So here today I am starting a photo blog. Sometimes it will have words included, thoughts of my daily adventures and misadventures. Mostly just pictures and most likely pictures just from my iPhone because I know me pretty well and I know how I dislike wasting time in front of a computer.

The title of this blog post is 'who will care'. I titled this post as such because these are the words that popped directly into my head when I decided to blog again and post pictures of my daily happenings. The answer is, I will care. I want this.

I predict you will be seeing a lot of pictures from work. I am the shipper/receiver at a heavy duty industrial shop. I deal mostly with engine parts and oil and gas industrial items. It's dirty and physical and I love it....my other job is associate photographer and support to Michel over at Ampersand Grey. http://www.ampersandgrey.com   That's a super fun job, between the two jobs sometimes during peek wedding season I am quite busy and on the go. I am hoping this summer I can slow down a bit and get some hiking in. Shipping/receiving will take the hit.

Also in this coming 2014 year we are focusing on moving into this house of ours. I mean REALLY moving in. Hang some pictures on the walls, put up some selves, cozy it up a notch. We were so excited just to get back into our own space and get our little family back together that we just plopped down some furniture and that was it. Now we make this house our home. Our biggest project coming up this year will be creating a back yard out of a postage stamp and a pile of dirt. Thank God for my talented husband and his visions. I truly believe I was put on this earth as a support system. That is my lot in this life. Support the talent and help them grow.

My picture for Jan 1st 2014....a stack of pallets from work.  :)  I am looking forward to this!

                            

Happy 2014 Everyone!

I miss blogging

It's coming back...that old blogging feeling...if only I could figure out why my laptop is not letting me post pictures here it would make life soooo much easier.

Life has been, busy, for lack of a more descriptive term. Its too overwhelming to do a catch up so instead I will look forward and do a ~whats happening now~.....NOW.

Well, right now I am off to do what I have been doing most these evenings, a kid pick up, drop off, transfer. It's good they are so involved and busy right? just say right and make me feel better for 5 minutes. Its good to give your kids opportunity to do and be involved, but some times...sometimes there is something to be said for being bored.

Until next time (soon-ish)

D

The Wedding

One week ago yesterday we had the pleasure and the honor to be in Winnipeg to see my beautiful cousin get married.

Becky & Tom are high school sweethearts and July 2nd 2011 they sealed the deal.
And what a wedding it was! Candy and dancing, wine and great food. Lights, decorations, family, friends and perfect weather. It was a perfect wedding.
Look how happy they are......awe....so sweet.

Did I mention there were bubbles?!

The signage was amazing. The handmade flower decorations and streamers were obviously made with a lot of love, care and attention.
Check out these photos of the bride and groom. There were photos of the two of them together throughout their early relationship as well as individuals of each of them as children....Loved this!My favorite photo was of Becky & Tom (to the right of the photo) and Kim & Nick (to the left) at Kim & Nick's wedding three years earlier who also happen to be the brother AND the sister of the bride and groom of the day....awesome.

Bravo to the main brains and creative of the whole affair for a job well done. Becky and Tom are truly blessed.

Congratulations Becky & Tom. Wishing you a world of happiness.

A special Thank You to my super talented friend Michel over at the new and fabulous Ampersandgrey.com for helping take some of my simple photos and making them look damn good.

Mambo #5, the way is was meant to be interpreted

Who is this darn cute little tap dancer making his on stage debut? Why it's Nathan Morris of course. Be watching for him on any dance show in the future... :)

i hope you can see it



*proud* Mommy moment.

ouch!

Tayler went and got herself some face jewelry.


I hear it's called a Monroe.

She had our permission, she didn't sneak. Her lip is a bit swollen today but she seems proud as punch with it. Where did that saying come from? proud as punch. funny.

riding my bike

This is day two of riding my bike to my new job.

What a feeling of freedom, happiness and independence.

I realized yesterday thou that I had better hone up on my hand signals. I couldn't remember how to signal left so instead I pulled off to the side and got off my bike to cross the busy street. Silly.

And really, I think it may even be faster for me to get to work on my bicycle than by car with all the waiting on lights and school zones and such in the vehicle, I really don't have any of that on my biking way there. Bonus.

I like this.

what a day

It is BeautiFUL outside this morning.

I am off to my first full week at the new job and I gotta say..so far so good.

Directly after work I head over to my very first ball game of the season AND its a double header to boot!

I already walked over and got my vote in too.

What a day, what a day!

first day

And here I go. Off to my first day of work...

Thank you isn't enough to express my gratitude to 'you-all-know-who-you-are' for all the love, support and absolutely needed positive words of encouragement.

I hope one day I can do the same for you just when you need it.

I think some one needs to clean that mirror..

last day

Today is my last day at my 9 year job.

I am filled with many different feelings and emotions.
I am not sad. Not one little bit. No tears will flow today. I had flowers waiting for me on my old desk when I arrived at work this morning. It was really sweet. A thoughtful gesture that was frankly unexpected.

You see I have shut down here at work long ago, I withdrew from the daily gossip and political BS that goes along with every office or work place. I shut it right off except for my Terry. I realize that may not have been the healthiest of approaches. I was simply listening and giving into what my body told me I wanted. I was just unhappy here.

It has been quite the journey right from the beginning when I showed up at in the warehouse working for free as part of my Parts School work experience. After two weeks I managed to convince them to take me on full time. Thank goodness. I was surviving. I won't get into all of that again here though...the end of that chapter is here.

I no longer need to survive. I am walking out of these doors 9 years later with what I came looking for, a better me.

I may have a different last name (last name number four) then when I began this journey but I am leaving with what I started out looking for. That inner voice who used to scream at me to come out from way down deep inside is now riding proud on the outside of me. I am living out loud.

Onto the next chapter. I am pretty excited with a touch of anxious.


*NOTE: no eggs where injured in the making of this post...well, maybe just the blue one....

the making of our Easter eggs

Daniel, Nathan and I set out to create some AWESOME eggs..we had dye, crayons, colored sand, glue and stickers.

Freshly dipped eggs put aside to dry.

Some eggs let their natural design shine through.

Terry joined us later showing off his egg design skills.

Sunday Morning Breakfast

I think one of our eggs was confused. Maybe it was trying to tell us something...looook deeeeeperrrr..yeesssss..deeeeeeeperrrr Your eggs may hold your fortune. But what? Is there anyone out there who can read egg?

freeze,melt,snow,melt,freeze,melt,snow

... so the story goes. Winter 2010/11, you sure kicked our ass this year. Apparently your not done yet.

please stop.

A New Begining

After much (way to much) moaning, groaning, whining, and complaining the answer to "should I stay or should I go" back on October 7, 2009 came....I go. After 8 years it's time to move on. I feel a sense of relief, satisfaction, trepidation and excitement.

I can breath a big sigh of relief as well as look forward to not being tied to a desk every day.

I will be working at a Stationer store as an assistant (for now!) where employees having fun is up there on the priority list. I will be dealing with customers and getting in on the making and creating of some pretty great posters , manuals and what-not..... I am so looking forward to the intimacy that a small family owned business will bring. The communication, teamwork and need to ensure every one is happy with the understanding that it is that kind of an environment that will bring about the best results and product. A happy work place is an efficient work place....it's been a long time missing for me. Taking a leap of faith here, this wouldn't be possible without the support of my fantastic husband....I am not in survival mode anymore, I am in living mode. I just have to get through the next two weeks...it's going to be a heck of a ride. I'm already exhausted. It has definitely been a roller coaster of emotion since first spotting this job in the local news paper. Is this the right thing to do? Can we handle the cut back in wage? Can we work around the change in hours? How will I get through a day with out lunch with my husband? This is the right thing, we both feel it. *fingers crossed*

Choice

Choice consists of the mental process of judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one of them.

This is a word that has come up in my thoughts pretty prominently over the last couple of days. Whether its grocery shopping, picking out new shoes or not choosing not to change the colour of you hair for a job opportunity such as Tayler's recent choice.

She was faced with the opportunity to work at a job with an increase in pay but she chose not to accept so she can continue to express herself in the way she feels important to her.

She had a choice that many don't.

We have the choice.

I have the choice....sometimes those choices don't come as easy as I/we would like them too.

Do we choose between the high pay more stress which brings occasional extreme bits of fantasy pleasures like taking an exotic trip every year or so?

Or instead do we choose to forgo that possibility for the simple pleasure of everyday contentment with less disposable income?

In black and white the choice seems obvious. But emotionally the choice is a lot harder.

I don't have to choose between my child being fed or a roof over my head. I don't have to choose between living in a cardboard box or a plastic bag. I am fortunate to have the freedom of choice.

Even the the ones I think are the hard ones.