But I work hard too!

This is an "it's not fair" rant.....my guilty mind and need for self assurance will apologise in advance if I come off sounding like a spoiled brat who should just be happy for every I have and stop my sniveling already.

Our company is just kicking off its second annual 'biggest loser contest'. As with everything around here it is surrounded by whispers and controversy usually involving people who are to afraid to admit they need it. Harsh but true.


I am not over weight, not right now, I was for a time....kids, depression and other generic excuses made me that way....my light went on and I made changes. I work out hard. I exercise every chance I get, eat healthy-ish...more healthy now than 'ish'. I think positive (I try to think positive) and be a good example for my kids. I consciously think about what I am putting in my body and most recently cut waaaay down on my 'I was drinking red wine like kool-aid' habit to the point of not doing it at all to now being very sporadic. It was hard. All these changes were hard, but I WANTED them. I craved them.


I wanted to be healthy, have energy and feel great about my body, something I don't remember ever being...truly and fully. I am here. But its work, hard work baby, and not always fun but this is what I want and my choice.


The thing is, back to the at work contest, I watched people try last time this contest was on and only a very small few following through. This time around I see and hear people whispering and talking full of excuses and reasons not to join, they just haven't clicked yet. It makes me kind of mad...mad at them for not wanting it more, the good healthy feeling they could have. I don't say anything of course, it's not my place. It's not me they need to listen too its their body, heart and soul. They need to listen.


I can't join this contest, I don't have any weight to lose, I did it over time and work very hard to maintain this....but I am envious as all heck at the glory these people get.


Silly I know, the odd few talk and give each other advice of what to do next and how to move forward in their quest, I feel so happy for them and their new journey. I have tried in the past to join into the conversation and share what works for me and what I do but I get 'the look', its a look of " you have no idea what we are going through" " you don't understand" and I hear things like " 'yeah but its easier for you' or 'you don't have to work as hard' ....*sad face* but I do.


I wish I could join along in their contest, be a part of their quest for a new healthier life style. I wish I could be acknowledged for the hard work and daily choices I make. Feel that sense of accomplishment and change they are going through.


I watch shows like the Biggest loser and Heavy on TV and I tear up for these people, happy tears. So happy for them and their new beginning.


I want that. I want to join this contest because I think I could do well at it! I also want to delete that last line because it looks like an entry ticket into crazy town. I didn't delete it but I do now realize (thanks to this therapeutic rant) that I need to set a goal for my self, something above my comfort zone, something seemingly impossible so I can climb it and conquer it.....Just like my co-workers are doing.....I have to listen to me and pay attention to what I am making excuses not to do and do it.


OK, well...I guess my cheque is in the mail for this session.

parenting 101: life our way

Giving your 9 year old a back up plan:

TEXAS HOLD 'EM

I can't remember

-which arena we should be at

-what time the parent meeting starts

-what day your leaving and coming back

-when your science project is due

-what time tap starts every week (always the same time)

-what time sparing class ends

-which house is your friends so I can pick you up

-when you said y our next big test is

-when you are going to that really cool concert

-what your band name is

-when that form was due back

-what your shifts are

-how much allowance you get



I never used to be this way. I was AWESOME at remembering and organising times and schedules. I was better than awesome at it.....is there just more now?
I really don't think there is. I actually think I have pulled back on things a lot. Maybe that's it, maybe there is less for me to remember, things are becoming less my responsibility and more others responsibility and this is how my brain is responding....its putting on the back up beeper and parking on the flat bed going along for the ride now.
Sad part is I think I am still needed to help keep things going at a steady smooth pace. I think my beeper prematured beeped...premature beepulation!!

oh bother

At just over 1000 kms we can officially call our new 2011 Subaru Forrester 'broken' in. Welcome to Alberta Subey.

See that lovely crack across the windshield? It identically matches the one in the old Blazer. Sexy really does come standard. Show every one your crack Subey.

(or as we affectionately call her tracaragon which is part truck, part car, part wagon. She is a little confused)

A surprise super star in the family

This time it's the cat. Koddee. He's about to hit it big time in Detroit.

No seriously....Koddee is going to be on a greeting card in Detroit Michigan.

Here is a bit of the back ground story as I know it.

Our fabulously talented friend Michel Feist who has a day job on top of all her freelancing at Graphos here in Edmonton was involved in some pro-bono work with a fellow co-worker Graphos was doing for a ACTSS a not-for-profit organisation that helps pets with cancer.

They were working on ideas to use for ACTSS brocures and websites when Michel & crew came up with the idea to depict an animal in a humanized situation receiving chemo treatments, a sort of shock advertising-tug-on-your-heart-strings kind of thing.

So, Michel knows that we have a cat who happens to live with a cat whisperer (Terry, he seems to speak cat somehow) asked us if they could shoot Koddee....yes of course! So they came over and did a photo shoot last summer after work.

After torturing Kodde for about an hour they ended up with the amount of shots and angles needed in order to create this:

I believe they said it was 7 different shots used to make this one

So Chemo kitty was presented at an ATCSS board meeting and they LOVED it! Loved!! Then they were approached by Avanti cards out of Detroit who were interested in securing the greeting card rights to this image! wha...?? Graphos and ATCSS agreed to this as well as to donate all proceeds from the sale of the image to ATCSS for use in pet cancer treatments.

So there he is, our annoying none-to-cuddly cat is going to be famous in Detroit.

Who would have thunk.

For a fleeting moment...

Something catches the corner of my eye as I sit typing away at boring invoices in my old grey cubical.
I turn slowly to look out the window with out removing my hands from the key board. I see balloons. Two sets of two, each with one yellow and one blue balloon.

I stopped what I was typing to stand and watch them float up higher and higher into the overcast sky until the wind whisked them away out of my sight.

One big day-dreamy-type-sigh later I am back banging away at the key board, only now my face holds the smallest of smiles for a fleeting moment.

the journey is over

We have our selves a new vehicle to call our very own....she's a beaut all right. Words that have been used to describe her so far are "peppy" ,"more vroom" & my personal fave "you look good in it"


It was long and some times stressful journey but we are happy with the out come so far. We just brought her home tonight!


There are a few quirks right off the jump for me that may seem a bit trivial to some but stand out-right to me as small hurdles to get over.

The elbow rest. It just doesn't feel right. I had no idea I rested my elbows so much while I drive. Is this something I have always done or have just grown accustom to in my beloved Blazer after all these years together? This newby is lacking the elbow comfort I so apparently enjoy.
I'll get used to it.

The seats. The bottom part where your..er..bottom goes, it doesn't seem long enough. Not quite. It's like I am suddenly a gangly legged giant.
I'll get used to it.

The passenger seat. When you are sitting it you are the shrunken head beside the gangly legged giant. It seems a bit low compared to the driver with only two adjustments compared to the 10 point the driver has.
We'll get used to it.


Seems like a lot of 'getting used to it' for something we just signed our life away for....well there are definitely positives too.
Of course there are or it wouldn't be in the garage right now while the poor Blazer gets kicked to the frigid out doors. I wonder if the Blazer is sad? No matter! We have a kick butt new vehicle that has some get up and go, lives life in All Wheel Drive and is going to take us places baby!! oh yeah...we are going places!!

Welcome home Subey! (working on the name)
I do feel a little bad for the Blazer though. It just got kicked to the curb. It has always been a garage truck and she and I...well, we're tight. We had some good times. She is like an old glove with a hole in the thumb. I'm glad we're still keeping her.

Pictures to follow when time allows and the sun shines down. Don't forget to wipe your feet first.